Going through menopause and perimenopause can bring about a variety of changes that impact your romantic life. It can reduce your libido, make intercourse more painful, and cause a number of other bothersome symptoms. You might experience emotional or psychological symptoms, like anxiety or depression, that interfere with your mood, relationships, or levels of desire. Night sweats, poor sleep, hot flashes, bladder issues, UTIs and weight changes can also leave you feeling exhausted or uninterested.
Despite these potential frustrations, menopause can also be one of the most romantically stimulating periods of life. You know yourself well, you’re likely more confident than ever, and you know what you want out of your relationships. You probably don’t have young kids or a crazy work schedule, and you might have more disposable income for dates and romance. It’s a time to shift gears, explore, and really enjoy your love life. Here are some tips on how:
1. Check Your Diet and Lifestyle
First of all, it’s tough to have a great love life when you don’t feel the greatest in the skin you’re in. Poor physical fitness, poor sleep, an unhealthy diet, and/or negative body image can make it physically and emotionally difficult to let loose and enjoy. It’s not just about having the “good” knees or flexible hips to help get the job done (there are wedge pillows for that). These and other lifestyle factors can also lower your libido, weaken your immune system, and cause other issues.
For the highest odds of feeling your best, make sure you’re getting enough sleep, and eating plenty of fruits, vegetables, lean protein, and fiber. Exercise regularly, and be sure to keep your bones strong with weight-bearing exercises like walking, dancing, tennis, or gardening. If you drink to excess or smoke, do your best to cut down or quit.
2. Take a Close Look at Your Meds
If you’re considering or undergoing hormone replacement therapy, it could improve your sexual function during menopause. HRT can relieve symptoms like vaginal dryness, low or depressed mood, painful intercourse, hot flashes, sleep issues, and other discomforts caused by menopause. Taking hormones, however, can also have side effects like headaches, vaginal bleeding, depression, breast tenderness, and diarrhea or nausea. People who experience these and other side effects may find HRT makes their love life worse, rather than better.
Some people take antidepressants to manage the mood changes and hot flashes associated with menopause. These medications can also have varying effects on your love life, boosting your mood and self-esteem, and/or reducing your libido. There are several newer medications on the market to help manage symptoms like hot flashes and painful intercourse. Check with your doctor about medications you’re currently on and ask about new options to consider.
3. Moisturize, Down There
Some of the most frustrating symptoms of menopause include vaginal dryness, fragile vaginal tissue, and dyspareunia (genital pain). Many women also find that intercourse doesn’t feel as good as it used to. Medication options, including pills, estrogen creams, rings, and suppositories can help reduce pain, increase moisture, and improve the health of vaginal tissue. Lubricants and vaginal moisturizers like Via can also ease discomfort and improve intercourse.
Sometimes, of course, getting things lubricated enough isn’t just about finding the right formula for your vaginal health. It’s also about discovering what you like, and how your body and desires might be changing as you age. Talk to your partner about increasing the amount of foreplay or experimenting with different kinds of touch or levels of pressure. You could also try taking things slower, setting a romantic atmosphere, or using massage to relax and get into the mood.
4. Add to Your Repertoire
If intercourse is still painful, you may be able to reduce the amount of discomfort by trying out a new position or technique. Moving more slowly may reduce discomfort or lessen the depth of penetration. The receptive partner may also wish to get on top in order to control the speed or depth. You can also shop online for donut-shaped devices that are designed specifically to limit the depth of intercourse.
Remember, however, that a satisfying, enjoyable love life doesn’t necessarily require intercourse at all (or, necessarily, a partner). Depending what you like, the same techniques you use during foreplay or solo play could work just as well for the entire game. Consider spicing up your routine by trying new activities or shopping for a new adult toy. If you need inspiration, consider reading erotic books or taking a Tantra class.
Opening Up
No matter what symptoms you’re experiencing, you’re likely feeling pretty stressed about going through menopause. Even strong, confident women can get overwhelmed by all the changes to their lives and bodies. You might feel like you’re not supposed to talk about any of this, or like you’re the only one in the world who’s going through it. That couldn’t be further from the truth, though, so try not to suffer in silence if you’re struggling.
Instead, have a heart-to-heart with your partner or a close friend about what you’re going through. You might find your partner is very receptive to trying new things, or your best friend has been through it and has a ton of advice. Either way, you’ll likely discover you’re a lot less alone than you thought you were. You might also find yourself much more relaxed and in the mood once you’ve processed all those difficult feelings.
